you fucking get me.
I don't care if your bigger and better than me, you are my fucking hero.
you better be back soon, and this time I won't faint.

phantom limbs.

i can still feel you,
a body beside mine that is no longer there
and i reach to touch you and i fall through
and grab cotton instead.


i can still hear, feel and smell you.
but cannot touch you.
i cannot touch you.

fuck.

I don't even know what I'm running away from any more. I am in danger if losing myself and burning the bridge to anywhere that I belong.

my chemical romance.

I have finally seen mcr :D

i am considering moving out. i need to be on my own, have my own space. 

i don't have that here. i need something to call my own, somewhere i can

sprawl, and be messy with my music blasting and paper and paint and tape

everywhere. i am missing something.

i don't feel whole.

something is missing.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

writing my heart out.

the waves are sparkling and for the first time

in longer than i can recall

i do not want to sink to the bottom

i am happy staying afloat a little longer.

dear, g.

for someone i've only ever seen in the flesh once

you are really quite important to me.

i have to say thank you, you apologised to us all

and i'm pretty sure we all instantly forgave you.

its hard to stay mad at someone so insanely handsome.

i know i fainted in the middle of your set

but i was in heaven, and i still can barely talk

for the screaming your words back at you.

and my arm still hurts from holding it up in the air

so you can know that i'm here, and i'm not going

to give up.

ever.

thank you for coming here, and thank you for

helping me keep the faith.

you make me stronger than i could ever be

on my own, and one day i will write your words

on me so that i can keep you and your strength

with me always.

killjoy sparrow.

i am letting you go.

not in any grand symbolic gesture

or split second epiphany.

it will be quiet

and i will hold my breath.

and exhale

you will no longer rule my heart.

or haunt my bones.

the same body i blame and curse for breaking bones, and drowning lungs

is the one that has left me calm, and serene.

things to consider 

i'm a tourist in the city i was born in.

its okay, not to be okay.

everything belongs somewhere.
my heart is an ocean, you sink like a stone.
a feelings just a feeling, until you let it get the best of you.
some months i never get right.
drink more tea.